I show up at the range today to qualify for an agency, this Department will remain nameless as the lobotomized morons who run it probably don’t need the bad press, some of you know the intel, others won’t… don’t ask, don’t tell…er…uh…..um. Never Mind.
I show up early, black 5.11’s, Oakleys and a fresh high and tight, vest under the Police Logo’d Polo shirt makes me look more studly than normal. I must have missed the memo regarding the “uniform of the day” to be faded jeans, old ball caps, flip flops, nasty sneakers, and sweaters. I wonder why people stare….
Unfortunately the GSP is NOT the gun du jour and I must shoot an Agency weapon. Well I guess this agency chose the non-lethal option as I was handed a Glock 23 (well, mine might have had the “lethal” option enabled as it worked, the other 23’s were DOA, self destructed or had the Single Shot Mode enabled.
Normally I must insert a lubrication comment here to keep the list-list-weinies entertained, but like my humour, these guns were dry. (and dirty!!)
After the stylish pack of Low Speed High Drag were issued the Combat Tupperware I noted that one Chicklet was waving hers around, covering me and a bunch of others with her muzzle while attempting to do some sort of bizarre weapons manipulation. Unsure of her intentions I chastised her to stop covering people with her muzzle, put the gun down, not touch it again. She was a bit huffy about this. Too bad so sad.
I brought up the aforementioned incident with one of the Range Ossifers who reamed me a new asshole for having her stop covering people with her muzzle. Apparently some folks are qualified to do this. I am not, he is. Odd. I guess I’ll just shoot the next person who covers me (non-lethal gun or otherwise) I AM qualified to do that.
I had my safety briefing, I learned a few things. NEVER use the slide stop as a slide release on the Glock as it breaks the little spring inside. Instead grasp the slide and pull back/release, when I asked if it was more for a gross motor skill technique instead of a fine motor skill (yeah, I know, I bait people…call the Game Warden) I was looked at like I was speaking another language, oh wait, I was!
Oh, I learned that Weaver position sucks and ISO is the only way to shoot. (fast fwd. I shot a 95.3 and a 93.3, Jeff would be proud).
Out to the range we go, a lovely grass covered with concrete yardage walks at the requisite 3-5-7-15 and 25 yard lines. Barricades were up at the 25 yard marks.
Did I mention that I got asked if I used up all my ammo? Did I mention how the RO questioned me “where did all your rounds go, we cannot count them” with one jagged hole a couple of inches wide in the COM….weird.. “through THAT hole SIR” as the retired Devildog next to me giggles. Dorks, no make that idiots.
The rest of the group (save for the Jarhead) was skipping rounds off the ground, other peoples targets, over the berm, into the target frames, People wonder why I wear a vest on the range ( Note: With Oh-So-Sexy, State of the Art, Wicked-Neato, Extra Strength, I’m Cooler Than Though-Trauma Plate, Contact our own Paul Moore at firstname.lastname@example.org to be as Smokin’ HOT as I am when donned in Kevlar!)
Quote of the day when we were being spoken at about Presentation. (apparently we are not fast enough) paraphrased “be sure to git yer gun out and shoot fast enough, you might not get a hit, but sometimes the guy who gets off the first shot wins the fight”……huh?
Issued Gear: I used a Serpa Holster, I am unimpressed. I note that an entire paddle magazine pouch will NOT insert into a Glock 23 magazine well during a “combat load” (speed load) they should really put a sticker on it or something.
I did learn that Tactical Reloads are useless, no really, they are. (aside: I see that they are poo-poo’d in SWAT this month too, I think others dismiss them as well. Damnit guys, keep me updated so I am trendy at the range, I hate being outdated and NOT cool while deftly swapping mags and keeping my gun running).
I walked in on a pack of cops talking about how “Bush planned 9-11 and that the towers were imploded and that the Pentagon was untouched”. I seem to recall a hole in the Pentagon when I lived near there. Musta been the flouride in the water or my Tinfoil Yamlaka slipped off.
So I get back to the office, a co-worker was talking about how a dirtbag a couple of doors down caps 2 dudes with a shotgun, she walks out, Glock/Badge in hand to investigate, hears dirtbag rack shotgun and say “that’ll teach you to steal my weed” as he points scattergun at one of the already perforated weed-stealers. (edge of your seats yet? oh just wait!)
She says to me “I went inside so I did not have to see the guy get shot”.
That was my Training Day….how was yours???